Sunday November 30, 2008

Today, I woke up to snow! Glorious snow, whirling around my window. It was covering the roofs of all of the houses, and frosting all the trees and cars like cupcakes! It was beautiful! I was the first one to see it, and called to my family about the glorious sight. The snow looked like powdered sugar, floating gracefully to the world. Of course, it didn't stick, but it was wonderful to wake up to. 

Church was wonderful. Everything about it was wonderful. I won't take the time to type about it, because it would take a book to type everything. Instead, I will talk about a few of my problems with my friend, Julia. You see, Julia and I like the same person, Will. Of course, we like him for different reasons. Julia likes him because he is attractive and funny and all that. But I like him because he understands me. We have so many things in common. We both are short. We both don't play sports. We both are not the tannest people in America. We both have a great sense of humor. We just...I don't know...understand each other. I feel a connection. He's like my brother. I don't really look at how attractive he is...just how he treats others. He and I email each other. Before and after and during school, he often comes to my locker and says hi. And Julia, well she expressed to me on Tuesday that she didn't think it was fair. Because you see, Will and I started emailing because Julia wanted me to. She wanted me to tell him how great she was, so that he would like her. Now, at the time, I could say that I didn't really like him, and I was happy to do it, because I want my best friend to be happy. But, we started moving to other topics. Pretty soon, we began to send each other long, long, LONG emails, telling each other our likes and dislikes, what our favorite music is, who's in our family, and other stuff like that. Then, we began to tell each other EVERYTHING. And I mean EVERYTHING. Everything from how his brother got hurt (which I really don't really need to know in the first place) to how his house got robbed. And so Julia saw a few of our emails. And she seemed upset. And then on Tuesday she just dumped it on me. Everything. And it was heavy. She said it wasn't fair that I was hanging out with him more than her. She said she didn't like how suddenly I was "stealing" him away from her. She said she didn't like that I was "FLIRTING" with him, and that he was "FLIRTING" with me. I don't even know where she got this flirting thing, but you know, some people look at flirting differently. I don't know. But things got kind of tense. In fact, the tension was tangible. I kept saying I was thinking whenever she asks if I were mad at her. I wasn't mad at her. In fact, I don't know what I was. It was a mix between sad, confused, and angry. But I didn't want to tell her. I don't even know if I had the right to be mad. And you know where this all came from? I'll tell you. This came from the fact that Will was going to Texas. He was going. And he stopped at my locker before math class to say goodbye. He said he was leaving between the period. I said bye too. Did he say goodbye to Julia? No. And I could understand why she was upset. Because, of course, she liked him first. So she dumped everything on me. And then the tension. But it ended 6th period. In french everything was okay. And then I talked to dad. He said if he were me, he would stop hanging out with Will. Stop emailing him. Stop going to his locker. Just let Julia and Will be friends, and ostracize myself. I didn't want to do that. But what choice did I have? Lose Julia, keep Will? I cried when I took a shower. I cried when I went to bed. In the morning, I woke up, cursing the sun. I finished getting ready for school. And then I wrote an email to both. Here, I will copy and paste it:

This one is to Will:

Hi. Julia and I had a fight yesterday. She said that she still likes you, and she said that it's not fair that I'm around too. She says it's not fair that you are usually wondering where I am, and that you're always talking to me. She says it's not fair that I'm always "flirting" with you, and that you like it. I don't know where she is getting this from. I told my dad, and he said that if he were me, he would just stop hanging out with you. He says not to email you or anything. So I guess if I care about Julia and my friendship, I have to do what he says. I'm sorry. It was fun hanging out with you, but I have to show Julia that she can trust me. I'm really, really sorry. Please don't take it personally. You are truly a wonderful person. Goodbye, maybe forever.

I'm such a drama queen, right? And now here is the email to Julia:

my dad says i need to stop hanging out with will...he says that you sent me a warning and that if i ignore it, i can say goodbye to our friendship, so im gonna stop emailing him. im gonna stop going to his locker. im gonna pretend i didnt even met him. tell him goodbye for me.

I'M SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN!!!!!!!!! Ugh, and so I didn't tell anyone. Then Julia got it. This is what she said:

Oh Ur such a drama queen..... We had a little spat how cares???? And I was thinking last night that it wouldn't even be fun if you weren't there being weird with me....... And well I was jelous and I just well, I knew that will and I would never go anywhere but you and him, him and you, well your perfect for each other...:)

Isn't that so sweet? She's not only giving me permission to hang out with him, but she's saying she shouldn't like him. But I told her that I can't decide who she likes. If she wants to like him, go for it. But I still feel bad. I kind of think Will likes me...and so does his friend... ;) but I feel bad about it. I mean, I told him over email that I felt like I was ugly, and he replied and said I was wrong. And ever since that email...that email that made me feel for him, that email that made me want to meet him, and him meet me (because he had only seen me once at the time, and I think he remembers what I looked like) I just...I never have told Julia. She wouldn't be happy. But I'm scared. What if he asks me out? I know I can't yet, but I know Julia would be heartbroken. I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!